Possession Sucks
by Nicole1
Summary: Oneshot challenge response to start with the sentence I never wanted to fall in love Major spoilers to The Long Goodbye. Johns thoughts during a certain scene. JohnTeyla
1. Chapter 1

**Possession Sucks**

**(okay i think it's finally right LOL) **

**not mine don't sue**

I never wanted to be in love, but with Teyla I never stood a chance. The moment my eyes fell upon her for the first time I knew I was doomed. Even if I didn't want to admit it to myself at the time. Now she's holding a gun to my head. Well, technically it's not me, but an Alien that has pretty much hijacked my brain. Thalen is what he calls himself. I just know him as the son of a bitch that has taken over my body and is trying his best to destroy people I consider to be family. He has done one thing for me though. Thalen, using my voice, told Teyla what I never had the courage to say.

_"He cares for you more than you know."_

The words echo back and forth in my crowded brain, but no matter how I try to deny the truth in them...I can't. This alien has forced me to see the truth I have been hiding from myself for over a year.

I'm in love with Teyla Emmagen.

Thalen is staring at her with my eyes, and she's looking back. I see so many emotions flash across her lovely face. Surprise, hope, longing...and finally despair. Damn him, this only makes it harder on her, but I know this woman better than most. Teyla will shoot me to save all those lives, and she knows it's what I'd want her to do.

I see the pain she's trying to hide behind those soul piercing brown orbs as she takes aim.

_"Forgive me John."_

I want to tell her it's okay, she has no other choice, that there is nothing to forgive. Unfortunately, I've been possessed and my little alien buddy will have none of that from me. It doesn't stop me from fighting against him every chance I get, I can tell I'm beginning to get on his nerves. That gives me a small measure of satisfaction.

I can feel Thalen's fear as he realizes what I already knew.

She's strong, a born leader. Even if she might love me back, she would pull that trigger.

It's one of the many things I love about her.

Now if only she didn't have to shoot me, I might have had the chance to tell her that.

Possession sucks.

feedback is love...i live off it. :)))


	2. Chapter 2

**Possession Sucks**

**Teyla POV**

_I had some requests so here goes_

I never wanted to be in love. The day I first met John Sheppard, I realized something I had never let myself see before.

I was alone.

True, I had Charin, and my people, but it was not the same. I had never known what it was like to meet your other half. Until he smiled at me and the world seemed just a little brighter. The first time he touched me in the cave my heart stopped. I will never admit it to anyone but I longed for him to kiss me right then.

Then much to my shock a few months ago he finally did. I was surprised. I told him later not to mention it again. Made him think it was not important.

I lied.

_"He cares for you more than you know."_

Is this alien lying now just to save his own skin? Does John truly care for me as more than just friends? When he kissed me, was that really him? Or was it just the virus controlling him? So many questions that I never had the courage to ask.

Now it is too late.

I swallow back the bile in my throat, knowing that it doesn't matter, it cannot. No matter how much I may care for this man, I must kill him. It is what John wants me to do.

So why have I not pulled the trigger yet?

The being controlling John locks his eyes on mine. I am fighting back the tears with every once of control I have...but I am not sure it is going to be enough.

Then there is a flicker of something familiar in those hazel eyes I know so well. For just a moment I could have sworn I saw John looking back at me. Then it was gone, replaced by the cold eyes of a man with nothing left to lose.

Is that how I'll look once I fire this weapon?

I am not only about to kill the man I love...but a large part of myself as well. After today I know I will never be whole again. Even knowing this...I will fire...because I love him.

_"Forgive me John."_

The words sound hollow but there is nothing else I can say. I can only pray he understands. There is no other option.

I stare into his eyes one last time and cannot help but remember John's colorful commentary about one of the many "movies" of Earth. Specifically the Exorcist.

John was right...Possession does suck.

feedback is love...it's my food. :))))


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